Call me a karma chameleon cuz I cum and I go
Call me a shitty bakery cuz I’m all outta dough
Call me Sergeant Schultz because I KNOW NUTTING
And nutting is my business and so I keep gutting

These vaginas like fish, you can call me Captain Ahab
Or Myers or Voorhees because of the way they stab
Teenage girls or better yet Freddie Krueger
Cuz I’ll be in the dreams of any chick after I do her

I’m trying to CUM AGAIN like Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
And she gives me headstrong, never does it dead wrong
I’m a Superman lover cumming faster than a speeding bullet
If I can’t find a girl to suck it, I'm a go home and pull it

Call me Moses how I split the Puss Sea
And I’m the life guard so I dive in real deep
I’m a regular rapscallion, a hip-hop shallot
I don’t need a bed to fuck, I’ll makeshift a pallet

Ladies laugh at my lyrics thinkin im just comedyin
But a girls’ giggles worthless unless they’ll eat my bead of semen
Cuz the funny guys finish next to last
Right along with the nice guys who never get to blast

Their yolks on the girls who liked their jokes
And what’s the point if you’re not getting pokes?
Folks I’m here to tell there really isn’t one
If you don’t do it for cum then it shouldn’t be done

I don’t wanna explain a lot
I just wanna drain my cock
So strip and take off that tank top
I’m about to tame that twat

Yep, that bout sums up the plot
Of most my songs cuz I fuck a lot
I just rap about what I got
And that’s pussy so I rap about fuck a lot

Because I ain’t got money, it comes to me in short stacks
I’m so poor I can’t afford to pay the poor tax
So I’ll write rhymes and spit more than four yaks
And stomp on some motherfuckin beats like doormats

Take off your shoes cuz I keep shit clean
Stick my weiner in her mouth to give it a nice sheen
Then wash it off cuz I don’t know where it’s been
Wrap it up and stick her til it splits her spleen

Til I spill my beans right out of my burrito
Then my nuts hang like I just took off a Speedo
And I’m outta there quick like a launching torpedo
I could offer her to friends but I like more for me though

I’ll scoop up a chick, call me the papa pelican
She’s squawkin in my ears but its like she’s speakin Mexican
So I bark back “Hey, you got any next of kin
For my amigos? Why don’t you text a friend?”

A skeleton don’t have as much bone in em as I do
I’ll fuck a Japanese girl as she writes a haiku
She says Oh Chris you such a tight dude
As I strap on my cape, I got more pussy to fly through

Cuz I’m Chris Sandoval, the human bidet
I keep them pussies wet all night and all day
I’m a perverted poet
My dick, I like to show it
Pubic mound you’d better mow it
Then I’ll stick it in a co-ed

Honeys I don’t smack I dig em
Admire they legs a minute then grab and split em
Pound back and forth while I get in my rhythm
Then pull out and unleash a fury of jism!

I’ll gladly dispense with some of this fluid that starts families
But for now it’s just the birth of some more raunchy ramblings
I’m in a naked state of mind
Mind over matter
Mine is what matters
Making my cum splatter

My genitals should be more gentlemanly
And know better than to lose their lunch on your tits and belly
Like George Bush in Japan
But pardon me maam
Now that I’m done, it’s time for me to scram