This is a tale about a night I got lucky
Went back to her place for some sucky fucky
I had no business crawling in that driver’s seat
Nor racing home and parking diagonally
So as you might guess, the details are shredded
She might’ve been blonde, she might’ve been a redhead
Things got hot and heavy, especially the latter
But I was quite blitzed so it didn’t really matter
There was pulling grabbing pinching slapping
I was black out drunk so it’s like I’m time travelin
one big detail I missed was her weight
Which is odd looking back cuz that’s her largest trait
I didn’t find out til it was too late
I was dealing with a chick who leaves a clean plate
A deuce and a half, maybe I’m exaggerating
But hey I got laid, that’s better than masturbating
Wake up roll over, all of a sudden I’m like Urkel
Did I do that? I think I’m gonna hurl
I could’ve drowned under her! I hope I had a snorkel
Man I go through desperate measures just to get my pork pulled
She told me later on about some things that I did
Like what I screamed when I made her swallow my kids
“What you’re drinking is people, like Green that’s Soylent
Now rub it in your face like Apricot Exfoliant”
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